Skid into the drive while pushing garage door opener. Keep driving as door slowly opens. Whew! Cleared the bottom of the door. Rush in the house. Drop purse on table. Throw open fridge, pantry, cabinets. Gather edibles and utensils. Place on tray. Scurry downstairs. Deposit tray on table in front of couch. Grab remote………remote? Remote! Where’s the remote?? Tense body. Growl and pull hair. Throw cushions off two couches and two chairs. No remote. Look under said pieces of furniture. No remote. Give up search. Walk to TV and push “ON” button. Oh, remote on top of TV. Punch buttons. Dang! Miss punched. Try again. Dang, did it again!! Push again. There! Sit on edge of couch. Fix eyes on TV. And finally, after 8 month wait, IT BEGINS!!
YES!! Swallow cracker. Go, go, go, go, go! Gulp water. Get back! Get back! Pop a grape. What?!! Are you blind?! Foul, foul! Rotate, rotate!! No, no, no, don’t take that shot! Argh! Time out! Call a time out! Yessss! Yesss! Whaa Hooo! Charging? THAT was charging?? If that was a charge I’m a Puke, I mean a Duke fan!! (oooo, I shiver just thinking about that). Whoa! Did you see that move? (No answer from the cat. She obviously didn’t see it.) What’s the deal here? Mugging is now legal? Get some glasses!
Ohhhh, Stop reaching in! Miss, miss, miss! Rebound, rebound! Grab it like its Beyonce’s booty! (Probably shouldn’t have said that. But just the cat heard me.) What a great pass! Now you’re cookin with gas!... Jump up on couch. Punch air. YEA BABY! You got some air time!..... No, no, no, pass it, pass it, you’re out of control. Pull up! Oh, wow! How did you do that? Sorry kid, I was wrong…. Three, three, three! We’re on fire, we’re burning the nets! Three grapes, a piece of cheese and a cracker end up in my mouth at the same time. Choking. Reaching for water. Keeping eyes on TV. Knock water over onto plate of snacks. Still choking. Can’t faint now we need a basket! Bend over. Keep eyes on TV. Give violent heave of air. Mushy food ball splats TV screen obscuring brilliant dunk. Arrgggh! Rush to wipe screen and await replay. BEAUTIFUL!! ………
Standing 2 ft. from the screen pacing. Eighteen point lead down to 9. No fingernails left. Toe nails pealed to the quick. Yanking on hunks of hair. Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on guys, don’t blow it now! Sit down on couch. Pull pillow tight into knotted stomach. Rock back and forth. Chew lip. Liggins at the free throw line. Hold breath. YES!!! Rock some more, chew lip, hold breath. YES!! He hit them both!!
PLAY DEFENSE! HEY REF! THERE’S THE CHARGE!! CHARGE, CHARGE, CHARGE!! MAN THAT WAS A TEDDY ROSEVELT!!! Stand up, pick up exercise elastic band. Pull it as far apart as I can. Relax. Pull apart. Relax. Step on one end of band. Pull up high as possible. OUTLET PASS, DUNK!! WHATAPLAYILIKEYOMAMMA! Forget I'm standing on stretched out elastic. Jump off floor. WHOMP!
Eyes, nose and mouth mule kicked. No mule. Confused. Can’t focus. Buzzer sounding. Game over? Sea of blurry blue arms waving. WE WON!! GO BIG BLUE!! Boy that was fun!
Paaauuullllll, I need an ice pack!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
If You Want To Know What I Think
I enjoy Haikus, short Japanese poems, often on a subject in nature. They have three non rhyming lines. The first and third lines have five syllables. The second line has seven. I often take liberties with this form of poetry by rhyming or increasing them to three verses. I wrote this three verse Haiku after a weekend of dog sitting Jake for my daughter and son-in-law. Jake is a year old Aussie, bred to herd whatever needs herding. Jake needs lots of exercise. If Jake doesn’t get a thorough workout one way, he will get it another.
Dog sitting spastic
year old Australian Shepherd
Stop, you’re herding me
Meows, growls, hissing
will not deter pup’s torments
Cat, catatonic
Stairs more hazardous
straddling a canine’s snout
Too wet and nosey
Husband Paul thought it was a good idea to have a sleep over with our three youngest grandkids. I’m always up for grandkids, but this evening there would be an additional grand. Year old Jake was coming for the weekend. Daughter Jenna and husband Bryon were off for an anniversary getaway. Also in this mix is the resident cat, Lily. She doesn’t like anyone but me, which is very strange. I’ve been trying to disown her since Jenna brought her here temporarily eight years ago.
This menagerie hit while Paul was running errands. Luke 6, Mac 5 and Maddie 3 came fully charged. Jake always is. When he discovered the kids, he became a hairy spinning top on spring loaded shoes, high on a case of 5 Hour Energy. He barked as he bounced like a soprano on a pogo stick. Wiley Coyote and the name ACME came to mind. Three hyped up kids running amok in a small house with a basement was stimulation overload for Jake. This was his first job! Or so he thought. First he had to gather them, and then he had to figure out where to put them.
I tried to keep the kids and the dog on separate levels but in their hyper excitement they couldn’t remember to close that basement door. Up and down I went trying to corral somebody, anybody. The problem was, so did Jake. If he wasn’t distracted, there was no way to keep him from getting past that door. I couldn’t close it fast enough. So most of my trips up and down the stairs were aided by lots of nips at my ankles and if I wasn’t moving fast enough, I got crotched.
The kids tried playing Twister. So did Jake. Right foot on green circle. Left hand on blue circle. Left foot in dog’s mouth. Right foot on red circle. Dog’s nose in boy’s groin… (Note: call Homeland Security. Canine nose for pat down woes?)
We ditched Twister. I tried separation again; kids downstairs, dog upstairs. That lasted about five minutes. Someone wanted crackers. Someone else wanted juice. Light sabers were called for. The three grandchildren were full into Star Wars play. They were jumping on and off the jumping couch and chair (yes, I have furniture just for that purpose), challenging all bad droids and using The Force to win the day. I was on a mission for supplies. I ran up the stairs quietly, slowly turned the knob and cracked the door. Boom! My head met the door like a hammer. Jake stretched that two inch opening wide enough to pin me against the stairwell wall and give him room to bound down the steps two at a time, barking with a laugh that said, ‘TA DA! You can’t stop an Aussie. We’re fast and saucy. For herding’s sake, just call on Jake!”
He jumped into the action like a greyhound on speed. To quote my late Father, “If he had looked back, he’d have run through himself.” In the small confines he had to use his cutting abilities to stop and change directions sometimes in mid air. Ninja Dog! The kids jumped from couch to chair to floor and back to the couch again. For all his good intentions, Jake simply didn’t understand the situation. It had to be frustrating for the poor fellow. Young as he is, he wanted to show he had skills. But the kids weren’t cooperative. To distract him I thought about pouring a bowl full of marbles out on the kitchen floor and telling Jake to “get em!” That would challenge his herding instincts. Though I think Shepherds only herd living things, I don’t know if Jake would have known the difference in his state of arousal.
Lily? She dispatched Jake from under my bed with a gutter growl and a flurry of lethal claw slaps. I read her thoughts “Herd a cat? Fatuous, addlepated, asinine, canine cretin.”
I enjoy Haikus, short Japanese poems, often on a subject in nature. They have three non rhyming lines. The first and third lines have five syllables. The second line has seven. I often take liberties with this form of poetry by rhyming or increasing them to three verses. I wrote this three verse Haiku after a weekend of dog sitting Jake for my daughter and son-in-law. Jake is a year old Aussie, bred to herd whatever needs herding. Jake needs lots of exercise. If Jake doesn’t get a thorough workout one way, he will get it another.
Dog sitting spastic
year old Australian Shepherd
Stop, you’re herding me
Meows, growls, hissing
will not deter pup’s torments
Cat, catatonic
Stairs more hazardous
straddling a canine’s snout
Too wet and nosey
Husband Paul thought it was a good idea to have a sleep over with our three youngest grandkids. I’m always up for grandkids, but this evening there would be an additional grand. Year old Jake was coming for the weekend. Daughter Jenna and husband Bryon were off for an anniversary getaway. Also in this mix is the resident cat, Lily. She doesn’t like anyone but me, which is very strange. I’ve been trying to disown her since Jenna brought her here temporarily eight years ago.
This menagerie hit while Paul was running errands. Luke 6, Mac 5 and Maddie 3 came fully charged. Jake always is. When he discovered the kids, he became a hairy spinning top on spring loaded shoes, high on a case of 5 Hour Energy. He barked as he bounced like a soprano on a pogo stick. Wiley Coyote and the name ACME came to mind. Three hyped up kids running amok in a small house with a basement was stimulation overload for Jake. This was his first job! Or so he thought. First he had to gather them, and then he had to figure out where to put them.
I tried to keep the kids and the dog on separate levels but in their hyper excitement they couldn’t remember to close that basement door. Up and down I went trying to corral somebody, anybody. The problem was, so did Jake. If he wasn’t distracted, there was no way to keep him from getting past that door. I couldn’t close it fast enough. So most of my trips up and down the stairs were aided by lots of nips at my ankles and if I wasn’t moving fast enough, I got crotched.
The kids tried playing Twister. So did Jake. Right foot on green circle. Left hand on blue circle. Left foot in dog’s mouth. Right foot on red circle. Dog’s nose in boy’s groin… (Note: call Homeland Security. Canine nose for pat down woes?)
We ditched Twister. I tried separation again; kids downstairs, dog upstairs. That lasted about five minutes. Someone wanted crackers. Someone else wanted juice. Light sabers were called for. The three grandchildren were full into Star Wars play. They were jumping on and off the jumping couch and chair (yes, I have furniture just for that purpose), challenging all bad droids and using The Force to win the day. I was on a mission for supplies. I ran up the stairs quietly, slowly turned the knob and cracked the door. Boom! My head met the door like a hammer. Jake stretched that two inch opening wide enough to pin me against the stairwell wall and give him room to bound down the steps two at a time, barking with a laugh that said, ‘TA DA! You can’t stop an Aussie. We’re fast and saucy. For herding’s sake, just call on Jake!”
He jumped into the action like a greyhound on speed. To quote my late Father, “If he had looked back, he’d have run through himself.” In the small confines he had to use his cutting abilities to stop and change directions sometimes in mid air. Ninja Dog! The kids jumped from couch to chair to floor and back to the couch again. For all his good intentions, Jake simply didn’t understand the situation. It had to be frustrating for the poor fellow. Young as he is, he wanted to show he had skills. But the kids weren’t cooperative. To distract him I thought about pouring a bowl full of marbles out on the kitchen floor and telling Jake to “get em!” That would challenge his herding instincts. Though I think Shepherds only herd living things, I don’t know if Jake would have known the difference in his state of arousal.
Lily? She dispatched Jake from under my bed with a gutter growl and a flurry of lethal claw slaps. I read her thoughts “Herd a cat? Fatuous, addlepated, asinine, canine cretin.”
Monday, November 8, 2010
This Little Piggy Went Crazy
I was reading my Bible when my mind reminded me that I should write a new column today. Yeah, my mind wonders a lot that way. It is frustrating to be trying to concentrate on The Word, only to realize your mind went somewhere else two verses ago. The same thing happens when I try to pray. I'll be into a serious prayer, when at some point I'm shocked to realize my brain is singing, "She'll Be Comin' Around The Mountain When She Comes". My mind has a mind of its own and I haven't been able to corral it all my 62 years.
Anyway, my mind recalled a column I wrote years ago about what happened when I asked God if there was anything funny in the Bible. Where but from God, did people get their senses of humor? So why wasn't I hearing pastors quote scriptures and tell stories from the Bible that left me giggling, if not cracking up? So I double-dog dared God to show me something in the Bible that would make me laugh. And I used the method all we well seasoned, mature Christians use when we just have to know something. No, I didn't fast or meditate or call others wise in God's ways to join me in this search. I closed my eyes, randomly opened my Bible and put my finger down right on Mark 5:1. God had taken the dare. I began reading. At verse 13 I burst into laughter. I had read this story before and somehow missed the outrageous humor of it. Holding my side as tears rolled down my cheeks, I had to say, okay God, I give. You win. You are hilarious!!
As I began reading this story, a screen came into my mind and I watched the whole episode as I read, just as though I was seeing it live. Jesus got out of a boat and was met by a lunatic. The guy had demons. He hung out at the graveyard and ran through the tombs screaming and cutting himself with stones. Imagine being accosted by a naked* bloody man, running through the tombs screaming every time you went to place flowers at a tomb. It would certainly cut down on Memorial Day visits. There is no telling how much he was costing the town florist. Burials there were likely quick and poorly attended. The townspeople, who just hated that this freak was in their neighborhood, would capture him and put him in chains. But his demons were so strong, he broke the chains and went back to the tombs making enough noise to wake the dead.
When Jesus arrived on shore, his greeting party was a pack of demons inside this poor guy's body. They knew who Jesus was. They called him "Son of the Most High God". When he asked the man his name the demons said "My name is Legion for we are many." Then they begged Jesus not to cast them out. I can't speak for Jesus but I know he had good reasons for his actions. And since God said this was funny, I can't help thinking Jesus chuckled when he decided to do what the demons asked. There was a herd of 2000 pigs on a nearby hillside and the demons asked to be sent into them. Jesus agreed.
Think about 2000 pigs just lying back, giving a grunt now and then, maybe rolling in the mud, cooling it up on this hill. I imagine the guys tending to them didn't have a lot of excitement in their work day. Unless a squealer alerted them to a problem, another pig hogging their mud spot maybe, the keepers probably had time to lean against a rock or tree and doze. I'm thinking that was the situation on this day. The weather was probably pretty warm and the pig herders were appreciating the shade and any nice breeze that came along. Like the pigs, some may have been fully asleep and some in the dreamy zone. I'm seeing this all on the movie screen in my mind, remember, in full color.
So Jesus says to the demons, okay, go! And he watches with great anticipation and a smile. Suddenly all 2000 lazy pigs jump to their feet, squeal like banshees and take off in mass, down the hill, over a cliff and into the water! The piercing sound of 2000 pigs squealing, struck the lazy herders like lightening. Up they jumped, dazed and confused, in time to watch stunned and helpless as all that pork, running as fast as their short little legs could carry them, launched themselves off that cliff. Talk about when pigs fly! This scene put me in stitches. I could see the looks on the herders' faces, and watching 2000 porkies raining off a cliff into the water below is a sight I can't describe. They cried wee, wee, wee, all the way down.
I don't think people out on the river fishing ever saw such a sight. I can see a couple of guys in a boat who've fished all day in all their best spots with no success. Sitting facing away from the shore talking about giving up they suddenly hear these monumental splashes behind them. Imagine their reaction. Instead of a massive school of huge bass or catfish they jerk around to see pigs pouring over a cliff. Being Jews, who consider pigs unclean and taboo, they probably said something like "Oe vey"! There goes my career, and I still have 25 payments on this boat!" (excuse my Yiddish. I'm clueless)
Then there were the people hanging around the area who witnessed the whole thing. Big eyes and dropped jaws everywhere. They were so traumatized they asked Jesus to leave. He scared the wits out of them after seeing the sausage stampede he caused. And what about the poor guy who had been possessed? He suddenly has his own mind and realizes he is bloody, muddy, naked and empty. Wow, what to do first? Here you are, naked in front of God and everybody. Do you run to the nearest rock to hide behind, or try to cover yourself with your hands? What this fellow wanted to do was go with Jesus. But Jesus told him to go and tell everybody what God had done for him. Other accounts explain that he got dressed and did what Jesus said. He was no longer empty either. God had taken the place left by the demons. And what about those ninnies? Well, they drowned. I can see Jesus with a quiet smile on his face as he sent the fellow off to his family a whole person. I can hear God whisper "great job son", with a voice Jesus recognized as amused and pleased.
This story was great fun for me when I was shown a different perspective that day. But it is primarily an event that has a great many important lessons. I hope you will study it for that reason. But I know God won't mind if you have a little fun with it too.
*Luke 8:26-37
Matthew 8: 28-34 also gives an account that has two men being healed
Anyway, my mind recalled a column I wrote years ago about what happened when I asked God if there was anything funny in the Bible. Where but from God, did people get their senses of humor? So why wasn't I hearing pastors quote scriptures and tell stories from the Bible that left me giggling, if not cracking up? So I double-dog dared God to show me something in the Bible that would make me laugh. And I used the method all we well seasoned, mature Christians use when we just have to know something. No, I didn't fast or meditate or call others wise in God's ways to join me in this search. I closed my eyes, randomly opened my Bible and put my finger down right on Mark 5:1. God had taken the dare. I began reading. At verse 13 I burst into laughter. I had read this story before and somehow missed the outrageous humor of it. Holding my side as tears rolled down my cheeks, I had to say, okay God, I give. You win. You are hilarious!!
As I began reading this story, a screen came into my mind and I watched the whole episode as I read, just as though I was seeing it live. Jesus got out of a boat and was met by a lunatic. The guy had demons. He hung out at the graveyard and ran through the tombs screaming and cutting himself with stones. Imagine being accosted by a naked* bloody man, running through the tombs screaming every time you went to place flowers at a tomb. It would certainly cut down on Memorial Day visits. There is no telling how much he was costing the town florist. Burials there were likely quick and poorly attended. The townspeople, who just hated that this freak was in their neighborhood, would capture him and put him in chains. But his demons were so strong, he broke the chains and went back to the tombs making enough noise to wake the dead.
When Jesus arrived on shore, his greeting party was a pack of demons inside this poor guy's body. They knew who Jesus was. They called him "Son of the Most High God". When he asked the man his name the demons said "My name is Legion for we are many." Then they begged Jesus not to cast them out. I can't speak for Jesus but I know he had good reasons for his actions. And since God said this was funny, I can't help thinking Jesus chuckled when he decided to do what the demons asked. There was a herd of 2000 pigs on a nearby hillside and the demons asked to be sent into them. Jesus agreed.
Think about 2000 pigs just lying back, giving a grunt now and then, maybe rolling in the mud, cooling it up on this hill. I imagine the guys tending to them didn't have a lot of excitement in their work day. Unless a squealer alerted them to a problem, another pig hogging their mud spot maybe, the keepers probably had time to lean against a rock or tree and doze. I'm thinking that was the situation on this day. The weather was probably pretty warm and the pig herders were appreciating the shade and any nice breeze that came along. Like the pigs, some may have been fully asleep and some in the dreamy zone. I'm seeing this all on the movie screen in my mind, remember, in full color.
So Jesus says to the demons, okay, go! And he watches with great anticipation and a smile. Suddenly all 2000 lazy pigs jump to their feet, squeal like banshees and take off in mass, down the hill, over a cliff and into the water! The piercing sound of 2000 pigs squealing, struck the lazy herders like lightening. Up they jumped, dazed and confused, in time to watch stunned and helpless as all that pork, running as fast as their short little legs could carry them, launched themselves off that cliff. Talk about when pigs fly! This scene put me in stitches. I could see the looks on the herders' faces, and watching 2000 porkies raining off a cliff into the water below is a sight I can't describe. They cried wee, wee, wee, all the way down.
I don't think people out on the river fishing ever saw such a sight. I can see a couple of guys in a boat who've fished all day in all their best spots with no success. Sitting facing away from the shore talking about giving up they suddenly hear these monumental splashes behind them. Imagine their reaction. Instead of a massive school of huge bass or catfish they jerk around to see pigs pouring over a cliff. Being Jews, who consider pigs unclean and taboo, they probably said something like "Oe vey"! There goes my career, and I still have 25 payments on this boat!" (excuse my Yiddish. I'm clueless)
Then there were the people hanging around the area who witnessed the whole thing. Big eyes and dropped jaws everywhere. They were so traumatized they asked Jesus to leave. He scared the wits out of them after seeing the sausage stampede he caused. And what about the poor guy who had been possessed? He suddenly has his own mind and realizes he is bloody, muddy, naked and empty. Wow, what to do first? Here you are, naked in front of God and everybody. Do you run to the nearest rock to hide behind, or try to cover yourself with your hands? What this fellow wanted to do was go with Jesus. But Jesus told him to go and tell everybody what God had done for him. Other accounts explain that he got dressed and did what Jesus said. He was no longer empty either. God had taken the place left by the demons. And what about those ninnies? Well, they drowned. I can see Jesus with a quiet smile on his face as he sent the fellow off to his family a whole person. I can hear God whisper "great job son", with a voice Jesus recognized as amused and pleased.
This story was great fun for me when I was shown a different perspective that day. But it is primarily an event that has a great many important lessons. I hope you will study it for that reason. But I know God won't mind if you have a little fun with it too.
*Luke 8:26-37
Matthew 8: 28-34 also gives an account that has two men being healed
Monday, November 1, 2010
This is the story of my fracture adventure that began on 29 July 2010!
KICKBALL
Nearly 62
In improper shoes
I made the foolish call
Lets all play kickball
Ages 2, through 10
The 6 assured they'd win
How hard could it be
That young gang against me
First up I scored twice
The feeling was oh so nice
Then I snagged their first kicker's bounce
and prepared to make my pounce
My torso shot ahead
But my feet felt like lead
and failed to arrive
before my face took a dive
I plowed a painful row
With my glasses, face and nose
Then somehow flipped around
and jabbed my elbow to the ground
It jammed an exposed root
like a steel-toed biker's boot
Then I felt two snaps and a crunch
and a threat to rerun my lunch
Ow, ow, escaped my lips
before I made any more slips
I did not want to fright
The kids who saw the sight
As they hovered above my head
their eyes thought I was dead
Dirt and blood adorned my face
and my arm looked out of place
When assured I wasn't done
Joey asked, call 911?
but the little ones showed fear
so no sirens they should hear
As I lay upon the ground
in my pocket the older ones found
my cell phone working fine
and they dialed line after line
Four unanswered calls were made
Then their bravery began to fade
As I looked into their eyes
I could see panic began to rise
3 year old Daisy began to cry
as brother Joey continued to try
with cousin Madison to call
someone to help, anyone at all
3 year old Zoe and Maddie 2
asked, "Are you alright. Can I help you?"
5 year old Mac studied my case
and got just the thing for my face
A bag of ice should do the trick,
stop the bleeding and remove the stick
and the dirt and leaves mixed in
that covered my face from forehead to chin
With the efforts of each child
I praised them in a voice as mild
as I could find in my throat
which came out sounding like a goat
So much ground beneath the oak
filled my mouth I began to choke
But with each earthy coughing spell
I assured the kids I was doing well
I sat up and attempted to rise
hoping to calm Daisy's cries
I wanted to stop her panic and fears
prevent a trauma that could last for years
But she didn't calm when she saw I could walk
or when she heard me calmly talk
So I sat back down and held my arm
to prevent another cause for alarm
My head protested when I stood
with a little spin it said "No good."
And my stomache began to churn
a revolt would accompany another turn.
Suddenly two jeeps, a truck and a car
parked in the drive, flower bed and yard
Everyone who was needed had arrived
My callers' efforts had finally jived
Looks on the adults' faces
betrayed their attempts at social graces
I must have been a sight to see
dirt caked my eyes, mouth, nose and me.
blood with mud, leaves and grass
gathered in a nasty mass
at the bridge of my nose
where my glasses usually go
But my glasses were not there
just a bloody slice where
a flap of skin was peeled back
like a banana for a snack
As I spit out mud and leaves
I was helped to my knees
as I gave the alarm
DO NOT TOUCH MY RIGHT ARM
Husband flinched at my condition
but saved his critical rendition
of what I should and shouldn't do
with kids ten or five or two
As for me my only thought
was what this accident would wrought
I wanted to know if and when
I'd play with my friends again
Madison, Joey and Daisy
won't let me be lazy
Maddie, Mac and Luke
Are certainly no fluke
Nathan, Lincoln and Lily,
and Gabe so funny and silly
Every child who wants my time
cares nothing about my prime
They only know I care
and am willing to share
myself as best I can
and will be their biggest fan
We arrive at emergency care
and people everywhere
looked at me in surprise
with wide open eyes
I guess I was a sight see
There was no wait for me
Should their rush cause me alarm?
Did I break more than my arm?
One thing was really strange
I wasn't feeling any pain
It was shock I was told
that was making me so bold
Xrays told the full story
The site of the break was gory
My elbow was in tatters
My bones all had shattered
It was all gloom and doom
As they gathered in my room
It is really, really bad
is what the doctor said
They gave me shots and started to clean
the horrid face I hadn't seen
and picked leaves and sticks from my hair
I hadn't realized were there
I laughed when husband said
I looked like the living dead
No wonder Daisy flipped
I turned Zombie when I tripped
At the hospital a doctor came in
and told me once again
"Your arm is a mess, I fear
I want to make that very clear"
Goofy from meds I grinned
I wasn't thinking how I'd mend
Painless and a little buzzed
I was thinking how cute he was
I was warned the chances I'd make
a full recovery weren't great
But they would do their very best
And I'd have to do the rest
Sweetie, I thought, whatever
Lets start on this endeavor
Use your skills and do your duty
I'm so glad my Doc's a cutie
That was three months ago
and I have a lot to show
A scar that's long but clean
and I don't mind if its seen
It hides screws and a plate of metal
that have helped the bones to settle
back where they were meant to be
before I fell beneath that tree
Mobility is so much more
than what I thought was in store
Thanks to intense therapy
by therapists dedicated to me
Two really good looking guys
young but oh so wise
in teaching an elbow to bend
and helping an old cougar mend
With work I can still improve
So I continue to work and move
And whatever I strides I make
I will thankfully take
I know above all human skills
It was God's love and what he wills
that has seen me through this test
and gives me hope for the best
Poetry by Phyllis J. Rhodes
Written on 2010-11-02
KICKBALL
Nearly 62
In improper shoes
I made the foolish call
Lets all play kickball
Ages 2, through 10
The 6 assured they'd win
How hard could it be
That young gang against me
First up I scored twice
The feeling was oh so nice
Then I snagged their first kicker's bounce
and prepared to make my pounce
My torso shot ahead
But my feet felt like lead
and failed to arrive
before my face took a dive
I plowed a painful row
With my glasses, face and nose
Then somehow flipped around
and jabbed my elbow to the ground
It jammed an exposed root
like a steel-toed biker's boot
Then I felt two snaps and a crunch
and a threat to rerun my lunch
Ow, ow, escaped my lips
before I made any more slips
I did not want to fright
The kids who saw the sight
As they hovered above my head
their eyes thought I was dead
Dirt and blood adorned my face
and my arm looked out of place
When assured I wasn't done
Joey asked, call 911?
but the little ones showed fear
so no sirens they should hear
As I lay upon the ground
in my pocket the older ones found
my cell phone working fine
and they dialed line after line
Four unanswered calls were made
Then their bravery began to fade
As I looked into their eyes
I could see panic began to rise
3 year old Daisy began to cry
as brother Joey continued to try
with cousin Madison to call
someone to help, anyone at all
3 year old Zoe and Maddie 2
asked, "Are you alright. Can I help you?"
5 year old Mac studied my case
and got just the thing for my face
A bag of ice should do the trick,
stop the bleeding and remove the stick
and the dirt and leaves mixed in
that covered my face from forehead to chin
With the efforts of each child
I praised them in a voice as mild
as I could find in my throat
which came out sounding like a goat
So much ground beneath the oak
filled my mouth I began to choke
But with each earthy coughing spell
I assured the kids I was doing well
I sat up and attempted to rise
hoping to calm Daisy's cries
I wanted to stop her panic and fears
prevent a trauma that could last for years
But she didn't calm when she saw I could walk
or when she heard me calmly talk
So I sat back down and held my arm
to prevent another cause for alarm
My head protested when I stood
with a little spin it said "No good."
And my stomache began to churn
a revolt would accompany another turn.
Suddenly two jeeps, a truck and a car
parked in the drive, flower bed and yard
Everyone who was needed had arrived
My callers' efforts had finally jived
Looks on the adults' faces
betrayed their attempts at social graces
I must have been a sight to see
dirt caked my eyes, mouth, nose and me.
blood with mud, leaves and grass
gathered in a nasty mass
at the bridge of my nose
where my glasses usually go
But my glasses were not there
just a bloody slice where
a flap of skin was peeled back
like a banana for a snack
As I spit out mud and leaves
I was helped to my knees
as I gave the alarm
DO NOT TOUCH MY RIGHT ARM
Husband flinched at my condition
but saved his critical rendition
of what I should and shouldn't do
with kids ten or five or two
As for me my only thought
was what this accident would wrought
I wanted to know if and when
I'd play with my friends again
Madison, Joey and Daisy
won't let me be lazy
Maddie, Mac and Luke
Are certainly no fluke
Nathan, Lincoln and Lily,
and Gabe so funny and silly
Every child who wants my time
cares nothing about my prime
They only know I care
and am willing to share
myself as best I can
and will be their biggest fan
We arrive at emergency care
and people everywhere
looked at me in surprise
with wide open eyes
I guess I was a sight see
There was no wait for me
Should their rush cause me alarm?
Did I break more than my arm?
One thing was really strange
I wasn't feeling any pain
It was shock I was told
that was making me so bold
Xrays told the full story
The site of the break was gory
My elbow was in tatters
My bones all had shattered
It was all gloom and doom
As they gathered in my room
It is really, really bad
is what the doctor said
They gave me shots and started to clean
the horrid face I hadn't seen
and picked leaves and sticks from my hair
I hadn't realized were there
I laughed when husband said
I looked like the living dead
No wonder Daisy flipped
I turned Zombie when I tripped
At the hospital a doctor came in
and told me once again
"Your arm is a mess, I fear
I want to make that very clear"
Goofy from meds I grinned
I wasn't thinking how I'd mend
Painless and a little buzzed
I was thinking how cute he was
I was warned the chances I'd make
a full recovery weren't great
But they would do their very best
And I'd have to do the rest
Sweetie, I thought, whatever
Lets start on this endeavor
Use your skills and do your duty
I'm so glad my Doc's a cutie
That was three months ago
and I have a lot to show
A scar that's long but clean
and I don't mind if its seen
It hides screws and a plate of metal
that have helped the bones to settle
back where they were meant to be
before I fell beneath that tree
Mobility is so much more
than what I thought was in store
Thanks to intense therapy
by therapists dedicated to me
Two really good looking guys
young but oh so wise
in teaching an elbow to bend
and helping an old cougar mend
With work I can still improve
So I continue to work and move
And whatever I strides I make
I will thankfully take
I know above all human skills
It was God's love and what he wills
that has seen me through this test
and gives me hope for the best
Poetry by Phyllis J. Rhodes
Written on 2010-11-02
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