Basketball Begins

Skid into the drive while pushing garage door opener. Keep driving as door slowly opens. Whew! Cleared the bottom of the door. Rush in the house. Drop purse on table. Throw open fridge, pantry, cabinets. Gather edibles and utensils. Place on tray. Scurry downstairs. Deposit tray on table in front of couch. Grab remote………remote? Remote! Where’s the remote?? Tense body. Growl and pull hair. Throw cushions off two couches and two chairs. No remote. Look under said pieces of furniture. No remote. Give up search. Walk to TV and push “ON” button. Oh, remote on top of TV. Punch buttons. Dang! Miss punched. Try again. Dang, did it again!! Push again. There! Sit on edge of couch. Fix eyes on TV. And finally, after 8 month wait, IT BEGINS!!

YES!! Swallow cracker. Go, go, go, go, go! Gulp water. Get back! Get back! Pop a grape. What?!! Are you blind?! Foul, foul! Rotate, rotate!! No, no, no, don’t take that shot! Argh! Time out! Call a time out! Yessss! Yesss! Whaa Hooo! Charging? THAT was charging?? If that was a charge I’m a Puke, I mean a Duke fan!! (oooo, I shiver just thinking about that). Whoa! Did you see that move? (No answer from the cat. She obviously didn’t see it.) What’s the deal here? Mugging is now legal? Get some glasses!

Ohhhh, Stop reaching in! Miss, miss, miss! Rebound, rebound! Grab it like its Beyonce’s booty! (Probably shouldn’t have said that. But just the cat heard me.) What a great pass! Now you’re cookin with gas!... Jump up on couch. Punch air. YEA BABY! You got some air time!..... No, no, no, pass it, pass it, you’re out of control. Pull up! Oh, wow! How did you do that? Sorry kid, I was wrong…. Three, three, three! We’re on fire, we’re burning the nets! Three grapes, a piece of cheese and a cracker end up in my mouth at the same time. Choking. Reaching for water. Keeping eyes on TV. Knock water over onto plate of snacks. Still choking. Can’t faint now we need a basket! Bend over. Keep eyes on TV. Give violent heave of air. Mushy food ball splats TV screen obscuring brilliant dunk. Arrgggh! Rush to wipe screen and await replay. BEAUTIFUL!! ………

Standing 2 ft. from the screen pacing. Eighteen point lead down to 9. No fingernails left. Toe nails pealed to the quick. Yanking on hunks of hair. Oh, no. Oh, no. Come on guys, don’t blow it now! Sit down on couch. Pull pillow tight into knotted stomach. Rock back and forth. Chew lip. Liggins at the free throw line. Hold breath. YES!!! Rock some more, chew lip, hold breath. YES!! He hit them both!!

PLAY DEFENSE! HEY REF! THERE’S THE CHARGE!! CHARGE, CHARGE, CHARGE!! MAN THAT WAS A TEDDY ROSEVELT!!! Stand up, pick up exercise elastic band. Pull it as far apart as I can. Relax. Pull apart. Relax. Step on one end of band. Pull up high as possible. OUTLET PASS, DUNK!! WHATAPLAYILIKEYOMAMMA! Forget I'm standing on stretched out elastic. Jump off floor. WHOMP!

Eyes, nose and mouth mule kicked. No mule. Confused. Can’t focus. Buzzer sounding. Game over? Sea of blurry blue arms waving. WE WON!! GO BIG BLUE!! Boy that was fun!
Paaauuullllll, I need an ice pack!